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MANNY,

I KNOW I HAVE LOST CONTROL THESE PAST FEW WEEKS BUT I CAN'T HELP

BUT NOTICE THAT THINGS HAVE CHANGED DRAMATICALLY BETWEEN US AND

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I CAN DEAL WITH ANYMORE. I KNOW I AM

SUPPOSE TO BE STRONG BUT INSIDE I AM REALLY WEAK AND MY HEART

HURTS REALLY BAD AND NOTHING SEEMS TO BE WORKING TO STOP THE PAIN.

LOOK 2 YEARS AGO I TURNED TO JAY JUST FOR THIS REASON THE FACT THAT

WE WERE FIGHTING MOST OF THE TIME AND WE COULDN'T HAVE A DECENT

CONVERSATION WITHOUT YELLING AT EACH OTHER. BUT THE ONLY THING

THAT TURNED OUT TO BE WAS I WAS USED IN THE PROCESS AND I WAS THE

ONE WHO GOT HURT IN THE END SO I TURNED BACK TO YOU IN HOPES THAT

WE COULD WORK THINGS OUT AGAIN AND ALL I SEEM TO GET FROM YOU IS

MIXED MESSAGES. WITH ALL THE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE HAD OVER THE

LAST FEW WEEKS IS THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AND THAT YOU

STILL LOVE ME BUT IF YOU TRUELY LOVED ME THEN I WOULDN'T GET TOLD I'M

BOTHERING YOU AND THAT I WOULDN'T GET NEGLECTED SO MUCH WHEN ALL

I WANT IS YOUR ATTENTION EITHER FOR A FEW HOURS OR A FEW DAYS. IT

NEVER FAILS WHEN EVER I GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE I FIND OUT THAT

I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR THEM HOW COME THAT IS MANNY ? RIGHT NOW ALL

YOUR ATTENTION SEEMS TO BE FOCUSED ON WORK, BOWLING, AND GINA

BUT WHERE IS THAT I FIT IN COULD IT BE FOR JUST A PIECE OF ASS ONCE IN

A WHILE OR JUST A GOOD TIME. AND YOU SHOULDN'T GET UPSET ABOUT THAT

SINCE THAT IS THE WAY YOU TREAT ME WITH ALL THAT YOU HAVE GOING ON

AND YOUR EXTRA ACTIVITIES GOING ON I'M LUCKY IF I GET TO SEE YOU ONCE

AWEEK. AND I KNOW I AM NOT GOING TO SEE YOU ON FRIDAY WHY BECAUSE

SHE WILL BE OVER AT YOUR HOUSE INSTEAD OF ME WHICH MEANS IT WILL

BE ANOTHER WEEKEND OF ME SITTING AT HOME AND FEELING UPSET. AND IT

JUST REMINDS ME OF ALL THOSE OTHER WEEKENDS THAT I SPENT SITTING AT

MY APARTMENT ALONE CRYING BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO HAVE MORE

IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THEN SPEND TIME WITH ME.MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE

RIGHT WHY SPEND TIME WITH A 29 YEAR OLD WHEN YOU CAN SPEND TIME

WITH A 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY ROMANTIC STRINGS

ATTACHED. WHICH I'M SURE HAS MORE OF A RELAXING ATMOSPHERE FOR

YOU BECAUSE THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME AS MUCH AND

GINA WOULD BE HAPPY SINCE THAT IS ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS MAKING

HER HAPPY INSTEAD OF MAKING SURE I AM HAPPY. AT NITE I LAY IN BED AND

I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP INSIDE BECAUSE ALL OF THE PAIN I FEEL HOPING

THAT THE PAIN WILL GO AWAY. IN A WAY I DO HAVE TO COMPETE FOR YOUR

ATTENTION SINCE YOU HAVE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT THE TONS OF FEMALES

YOU HAVE BEEN WITH AND THE ONES WHO WANT TO DATE YOU WHICH HAS

NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY I MAKE MYSELF FEEL.IT HAS COME TO MY

ATTENTION THAT THE REASON GINA ISN'T GONNA GET OUT OF OUR LIVES IS

BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO REMAIN AROUND AND LIKE THE FACT THAT

YOU HAVE FEMALES IN LOVE WITH YOU. LOOK I'M ALL FOR YOU HAVING

FRIENDS IN FACT I WANT YOU TO HAVE FRIENDS I JUST THINK THAT CERTAIN

FRIENDS SHOULDN'T SLEEP OVER NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE FOR

YOU. I HAVE SAID THIS ONCE BEFORE THAT IF YOU WANTED GINA TO COME

OVER AND WATCH TELEVISION OR HAVE DINNER WITH YOU THAT'S FINE BUT

SHE SHOULD GO HOME AND SLEEP IN HER OWN BED. CONSIDERING THERE

WERE TIMES YOU MADE ME GO HOME TO SLEEP IN MY OWN BED BECAUSE

YOU WERE REALLY TIRED AND NEEDED SLEEP SO YOU CAN DO THE SAME TO

HER. SHE IS NO DIFFERENT THEN I AM UNLESS OF COURSE YOU HAVE SOME

ACQUIRED FEELINGS ABOUT HER THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT AND THAT YOU

AREN'T TELLING ME. BUT THEN AGAING YOU REALLY DON'T TELL ME

ANYTHING UNLESS I'M CRYING AND THEN THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET

ANYTHING OUT OF YOU. JUST AS I THINK THINGS MIGHT START TO GO GOOD

FOR US YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN TURN IT AROUND ON ME AND THAT'S NOT

FAIR MANNY. LOOK IF I DID TO YOU WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME YOU

WOULD BE JEALOUS AND HARDLY WOULDN'T TALK TO ME AT ALL ANYMORE

THAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY IF I HAVE A MALE SLEEPING IN MY

BED EVERY NITE AND MADE YOU FEEL LIKE I HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

TO DO WITH HIM THEN WITH YOU. SO WHY DO YOU FEEL THAT THIS IS

ALRIGHT TO DO AND I'M JUST SUPPOSE TO BE OKAY WITH IT MANNY AND I'M

NOT SUPPOSE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING EITHER ? LOOK IF YOU NEED

SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU THEN I'M THE ONE WHO IS SUPPOSE TO

CLEAN YOUR HOUSE AND DO YOUR LAUNDRY AND COOK FOR YOU NOW

THAT I'M GETTING BACK ON MY FEET AGAIN. THERE IS ONE THING YOU DIDN'T

REALIZE WAS THAT I WAS TAKING CARE OF YOU AND THAT INCLUDED DOING

LAUNDRY,COOKING AND CLEANING. THEN I WENT HOME AND DID SOME

CLEANING OF MY OWN AND COOKED FOR ME AND WENT GROCERY SHOPPING

AND ALSO WENT TO CLASSES ON THE NITES I HAD NITE CLASSES. SO IT ALL

GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT I CAN BE THE WOMAN YOU WANT IF YOU JUST

TELL GINA TO BACK OFF AND GIVE US A CHANCE TO MAKE THE BOND WE

HAVE WORK UNLESS OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT IT TO WORK ANYMORE

MANNY ? AS FAR AS THAT SUBJECT OF WHETHER OR NOT I AM PRETTY IS

THAT YOU NEVER TELL ME I AM OR EVEN THAT I'M SEXY, INTELLIGENT,

GORGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL I MEAN MAYBE I NEED TO HEAR THEM ONCE IN A

WHILE EVEN DURING INTIMACY SINCE YOU KNOW HOW LOW MY SELF

ESTEEM HAS BEEN WITH ALL THE BAD REALTIONSHIPS I HAVE BEEN IN OVER

THE LAST 29 YEARS AND DON'T TELL ME JUST CAUSE YOU THINK IT'S WHAT I

WANT TO HEAR BUT BECAUSE YOU FEEL THAT WAY IN THAT MOMENT. OH AND

ONE MORE THING THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME IS THAT YOU EITHER TELL ME

YOU ARE GOING TO CALL OR COME BY OR EVEN SPEND TIME WITH ME

AND THEN YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE

GOING TO DO WHICH I THEN GET LET DOWN AND THAT SEEMS TO BE

HAPPENING ALOT LATELY. AND THEN I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON

AND THEN I START TO WONDER IF IT WAS ANYTHING I DID WRONG THAT MADE

YOU UPSET TO THE POINT THAT YOU EITHER DIDN'T CALL OR EVEN COME BY

TO PICK ME LIKE YOU PROMISED. THE PAIN IS TO OVER WHELMING MANNY

AND IT WON'T STOP SO MAKE IT STOP BECAUSE THE SOLUTIONS ARE SIMPLE

OR I WILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE THE PAIN STOP FOREVER.
 
 

                                             LOVE ALWAYS,

                                                  MEREDITH